


lucid

by iRockYourSocks



Category: Frozen (2013), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: F/M, Ficlet, Life Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 06:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5656831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iRockYourSocks/pseuds/iRockYourSocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes, Jack feels more asleep when he's awake</p>
            </blockquote>





	lucid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [therentyoupay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/therentyoupay/gifts).



> for kris, who writes awesome fic and is in general a wonderful human being

_your nightmares follow you like a shadow, forever_

_-Aleksander Hemon_

 

 

 

 

 

lucid

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For a being who doesn’t need to sleep, Jack Frost feels like he’s damn near in a constant state of deprivation. His eyes, though bright, cannot hide the dark circles that have found home beneath them, and his long, lean frame is lumbering, towering, as if he’s about to collapse onto the nearest surface he can curl up on.

The thing is, though, is that if presented with the opportunity, he’d surely deny it, no questions asked.

It’s like lately, he’s been trapped in a nightmarish loop, a cycle of darkness that he may or may not understand.

And the scares the hell out of him.

He’s the youngest guardian, but the images that come to mind when he’s alone, overlooking the first snowfall atop a rooftop in a nameless city, suggest otherwise.

He sees the looks they give him, the look _she_ gives him, a strange mix of pity and acceptance, and he wants to ask _why,_ why does she look at him with such pained eyes that she tries to cover with sweet smiles and warm words, but he can’t _help_ but wonder what she’s hiding underneath the façade.

It’s just, he has these _moments_ where he sees this little kid, but he can’t remember the kid, not like how he remembers Jamie, and he _definitely_ doesn’t have any experience in being in a palace amongst the stars.

He doesn’t remember any of it, but he feels like he knows it somehow, like it’s a wisp of memory begging to be grabbed.

It’s the pull into the darkness that jolts him. He’s felt the seduction before, knew how _he_ operated, to an extent. That was the easy part of the seduction, the fall. Falling doesn’t take any effort at all, it’s getting back up that’s the hard part. Jack doesn’t see Pitch, but his smooth baritone echoes in the black space.

_Jack Frost, never forget, you are a piece of me, my heart. I’ll keep in touch, Light._

And then he was thrust back into Elsa’s bedroom, chest heaving and fingers gripping the sheets, his face, his chest. She shifts in her sleep, and his gaze flicks over to her, just to see her steadily inhale and exhale. That name, _Light_ , is something he _feels_ like he should know, but doesn’t and he gets a weird pain in his head and chest. The loop starts again, where he’s stuck in the dark and cold, and he knows what he should do.

He was gone before dawn.

He flew until he was at a familiar lake in the middle of the woods. He looked out at the water that became his tomb until the sun began to set and the moon started to rise over the line of cedar trees.

“I know that I’ve asked a lot of you,” he starts, then pauses. “I know that you normally let me figure this stuff out on my own, but I don’t, I _need_ help on this one. It’s Pitch, but it’s more than _Pitch_ , he called me by a name, and I know Pitch is unreliable, lies to get his way, but it made me _feel_ something." His voice cracks. "I don’t know, it’s all so confusing, but I need to know what Light is.” At this, a shadow passes over the moon. “So, you _do_ know what Light is? Can you enlighten me or something? Give me a hint?” No response.

As Jack turns to leave, a light shines over his body, a beam of moonlight.

 _You_ , he says, _you are Nightlight, and you were my friend._

And then he remembers a small child, a little boy, who he was entrusted in caring for, the royal parents captured by Pitch, and then all hope was lost until—

Darkness _._ Cold and lonely and _dark_. His sacrifice led to his miserable imprisonment until he managed to be freed.

Jack doesn’t remember flying back to Arendelle, just climbing through Elsa’s bedroom window.

He perches himself on the edge of her bed, and thinks.

Because, if he was Nightlight, in the time before, then who was Jackson Overland? Is he a creation that Pitch put in his head, something to occupy his time while he planned his next move? An illusion to punish the goodhearted Nightlight for saving his little Manny while Pitch stewed in his anger over his defeat. Or was it after being trapped in the darkness for so long, cold and shivering, was Jackson Overland a coping mechanism, a person full of life and happiness that he could escape when the cold was too much to bear, when he was at the point when he’d _beg_ to just not exist anymore—

Gentle hands pry his shaking fingers from where they were tightly clenched in his hair; they only succeed in pulling them down far enough to cover his face. A cold breath of air hits the skin where his hoodie slid down to expose, a sigh. “Jack? Jack, what’s wrong?”

Jack spreads the fingers of one hand to expose one eye, _so blue, so cold_ , and lets out a shaky breath. “I don’t know who I am anymore,” he laughs, wet with tears and bitter.

Elsa just looks at him, presses cool lips to his forehead. “You’re Jack Frost, my guardian,” she whispers, just for him to hear even though they’re the only two in the room.

Jack just looks at her with his eye that’s as cold as his body. “If only,” he responds, dropping his head onto her shoulder. “If only.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a drabble, but i hope i did the thing justice.  
> may expand


End file.
